Light

Last night, I put off going to bed for as long as I could, hanging out with my best friend until the wee hours, dreading the time when he would walk out the door and I would be alone with my pain. After he left, I walked through the apartment. I turned off the music, put away our wine glasses and flicked off the lights. At first, I was afraid of the dark and the quiet. But as I stood in my silent, unlit living room, I realized that, in the dark and the quiet, there is loneliness. But there is also peace.

I got into bed and waited, waited for the pain to descend and bring with it racing thoughts, racking sobs and sleeplessness. Instead, on day three of my breakup, I slipped peacefully into a deep, dreamless sleep.

I awoke feeling rested, motivated and, yes, even a little excited. I decided that if the apartment was dredging up too many memories, I would make it my own. I would rearrange the furniture, redecorate, clean, paint and change whatever I wanted without anyone else's input.

But first, I decided to walk to the farmer's market to get ingredients for the dinner I would make for myself and my best friend. I love the farmer's market but hadn't been in a long time because Dave seldom woke up early enough to get there before it closed at 3 p.m. and, inexplicably, I wouldn't go without him. 

As I walked, enjoying the cool fall air, I glanced down at my phone and realized that, though it was only mid-morning, no less than five people had reached out to me to check in, make sure I'm okay and see if I wanted to talk. By the afternoon, it was eight people.

I feel overwhelming gratitude and love for my support system. But I also feel pride in myself for having cultivated such close bonds. And, although I am not one to give advice, I will say this: Be a careful, meticulous and steadfast friend, even - no, especially - when you are in an intimate relationship. Make plans, stay in touch, see your friends and family by yourself, without your partner tagging along. Because no matter how loving, perfect and secure your love life seems, there is a strong likelihood that your friends will be around long after your partner is gone. Prove to them that you are worth sticking around for.